I cut my penus on the lid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
