I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
