I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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