he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
