Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
