i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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