Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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