My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
