I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
