So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
