Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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