We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
