An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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