I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
