oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
