things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
