dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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