your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
