There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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