i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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