i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
