i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
