My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
