Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
