Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
