remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
