i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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