The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
