I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
