best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
