I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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