Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
