My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
