Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
