forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
