im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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