just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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