$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
be right there i have to get my cape
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize