The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
