3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
