i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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