I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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