he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
