a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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