The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
