That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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