my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
