My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
