in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
