i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
