$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
