dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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