There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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