fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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