We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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